March 25, 2009

Ode to the Sycamore



Normally, the bare and dormant trees that dot the landscape this time of year are depressing to me. Although it's technically spring, it will be a few more weeks before we start to see more than a few timid signs of plant life up here in Chicago. The brave little crocuses that bloomed last week are now smothered by a blanket of wet, heavy, and unwelcome snowfall. The buds that tentatively started to form on some bushes and shrubs have shriveled up and are falling off, thanks to the late-season freeze; even the hedges are back to square one. Aside from the evergreens, there is one type of tree at cheers me up during these cold, dreary months; the American Sycamore.

Distinctive even in winter, the mottled, paint-by-number bark of these majestic shade trees stands out in almost defiant contrast to the hibernating maples, oaks, and elms. Caused by an inability to expand as the tree grows, the bark cracks and separates before it eventually sloughs off, revealing layered shades of browns, tans, yellows, whites, ecrus, and even pale greens. Rivaled only by the flaky white trunks of the delicate birch, the sycamore is one of those rare trees that commands attention and admiration year round. While the leaves of the sycamore aren't as pretty as maple leaves in the fall or as recognizable as the leaves on most varieties of oak trees, they are distinctive because of their size. On a mature sycamore, the broad, flat leaves can grow to be as big as a human head!

So until the weather turns for good, the flowers are in full bloom and the trees have regained their complete summer foliage, I will continue to rely on the many shades and textures of bark that make up the sycamore's earthy palette to provide some cheery color to an otherwise gray, late-winter landscape.

March 21, 2009

Disclaimer Dates


I've been in a bit of a dating "dry spell "as of late, which seems to make some people uncomfortable, or at least it bothers them more than it does me. I've been busy with other things, and ever since I came to the conclusion that I'm no longer willing to suffer through dates with guys who don't really interest me, I haven't actively given dating much thought. However, this hasn't stopped some well-intentioned friends and acquaintances from offering to introduce me to a still-single guy friend or relative of theirs, the numbers of whom seem to be dwindling by the day. While normally this wouldn't bug me, I've begun to notice a trend in their approach, one that disturbs me quite a bit.

The suggestion starts innocently enough-- they want to introduce me to their co-worker/husband's friend/brother-in-law who is both attractive and available. Unfortunately, the next sentence that comes out of their mouth is some variation of, "He's such a great guy, but... " It's the word "but" that makes me cut them off-- guys shouldn't come with warning labels! And besides, the last time I let someone finish that sentence, I very nearly went on a date with a great guy... but, he still lived with his dad-- because he was evading creditors-- and his stunning inability to pass the random drug tests at work had earned him the nickname "Dirty".

Well... sign me up?!? Score.

Other recent date suggestions have included dinner with a guy who forces his dates to pick the wine, just so he can subsequently spend the next three hours mocking their choice (I know next to nothing about wines, so said guy would have had a heyday... at my expense), and a trip to the zoo with a guy named "Buddha"-- as in 'looks like the'-- to see the walruses. I'm not even touching that one!

Seriously, people-- I can do better!

I find it odd that that some of the people who know me best want to set me up with guys who have such glaring, deal-breaking flaws. Then, I had an even more disturbing thought... am I... a disclaimer date?!? I can't think of any reason why I would be, and the friends I've cornered about the matter have insisted that I am not. And although I'd like to think they'd tell me if I was, I'm suddenly not so sure. Are they approaching their single guy friends, saying, "You should really meet my friend Allison! She's such a great gal, but..."

I simply refuse to believe that all the good guys out there have been taken, and I'm just not willing to settle for a disclaimer date. Not at this time. So friends, if you know an eligible guy you'd like me to meet, as long as you can tell me about him without grimacing, I'm all ears! And to the eligible guys, if you don't need a green card, and you have a similar aversion to the thought of disclaimer dating, let's talk. I'd like know more about you, and let you know more about me-- no 'ifs', 'ands', or 'buts' about it.

March 5, 2009

The Break-in

Her worst fears were realized last night; the large males who had been lurking outside her room for weeks finally managed to break in. They burst through the door in the dead of night, ransacked the room, rifled through her belongings, and destroyed her property. Terrified, she cowered under the bed for hours, long after the culprits were apprehended.

Prancy, the tiny calico foster cat, had spent the past three weeks in my bedroom, where she stayed while getting up to date on her vaccinations. She had been quite content to lounge in the windows and on the bed, and was slated to return to the shelter the following morning. In the meantime, my resident cats, Jack and Iggy, were desperate to find out what it was that I was keeping from them. Jack had spent the past few weeks howling and flinging himself against the door. I assumed that he would either be bored or concussed after a few days of these antics, but my refusal to let him in the room only seemed to strenghten his resolve. He HAD TO KNOW what was on the other side of that door!

While I was asleep on the couch, Jack somehow managed to get the door open, and he and Iggy dashed in. Like proverbial bulls in a China shop, they overturned my papasan chair, slid the rug into an accordion-folded pile of fabric in the corner, snagged the duvet cover, and knocked off (and proceeded to chew through) a bag of food and a bag of treats that were up on the dresser. I somehow failed to wake up until they had completely decimated the bag of treats.

Let me hasten to say that no foster cats were harmed during the break-in. In fact, I don't think the boys bothered her at all. They were in it for the treats, which they got. Rest assured that the intruders were quickly apprehended, and spent the rest of the night in the bathroom, despite their howls of protest.