Are YOU Smarter than a 5th Grader?

Homophone Quiz

Homophone: One of two or more words (such as bear and bare), that are pronounced the same but differ in meaning, origin, and spelling.

Circle the correct word choice in each of the following sentences:

Warm ups

1. The Cubs one/won their game today!

2. I wish the Sox had been victorious, to/too/two.

3. Will you come here/hear for a minute? I can't here/hear you!

4. No fair/fare! I want to come!

5. Witch/Which way did he go?

Commonly Mistaken Homophones

6. You're/your going to regret wasting time on you're/your day off!

7. There/they're/their meeting on the platform over there/they're/their.

8. Who's/Whose list is this? I want to know who's/whose coming to the party!

9. I stopped by/buy the store to by/buy groceries.

10. Bear/bare in mind that this speaker will probably bear/bare his soul.

These don't even sound the same!

11. I should tighten that lose/loose rope, but I don't want to lose/loose my place in line.

12. I went/when to the store to buy a loaf of bread.

13. Were/Where is the remote?

14. Who/How told you that?

Extra Credit

15. The capital/capitol building is located in Springfield, our state's capital/capitol.

Answers: 1. won 2. too 3. here...hear 4. fair 5. which 6. you're...your 7. they're...there 8. whose...who's 9. by...buy 10. bear...bare 11. loose...lose 12. went 13. where 14. who 15. capitol...capital

Grading: 14-15= A

13= B

12= C

11= D

10 or below= F!

Phonics 101

I know that, for most of us, grade school was a long time ago. It's hard sometimes to remember basic facts and concepts learned back in the 3rd and 4th grade, like what is the capital of Vermont or how to find the quotient (or the remainder) in long division. The brain rot we experience in these subject areas is largely due to lack of use; when people don't have to apply this knowledge, they are more likely to forget. And with devices like calculators and sites like Google Earth, the answers to the above questions are literally at our fingertips.

What I don't understand, though, is how people can forget the basic concepts of a subject that we use all day, every day? I'm talking about language, people: grammar, phonics, and spelling. It's astounding to me just how often the English language is abused, misused, and bastardized. Just this week, I heard a news story about how the editors of Webster's Dictionary had to add a definition for the word nonplussed, because it is misused with such alarming frequency. The term is basically a fancy word for confused, but most people think it's synonymous with the word unimpressed. So many, in fact, that the dictionary people caved to public pressure.

Also this week, former Alaska governor and current pain in the ass, Sarah Palin, attempted to defend herself against the ridicule she received for using words like "refudiate" and "misunderestimate" in a speech she gave... She did this by comparing herself to Shakespeare... because he liked to coin new words too, you know.

That politicians make up fancy-sounding words in an attempt to sound smarter than they are is nothing new. The latter President Bush made up so many words (like "suiciders" and "strategery") and used them so convincingly, some people started to wonder if it was they who were uninformed, and former Vice President Quayle never did live down his highly publicized misspelling of the word tomato.

So as a service to the general public, I will be posting a worksheet on homophones, and possibly one on punctuation marks as well. Although I'm sure that you, my dear readers, will all pass with flying colors, feel free to pass the upcoming posts on to anyone who demonstrates a need for a refresher course. Like the annoying guy who comments on all your friends' Facebook posts: "I love movie's! There filming one outside my office bldg rite now!" Or a colleague's sister who texts: "The Cubs one today"... get my drift?

So sharpen your #2 pencils, kids-- one phonics quiz, coming right up!

Dear Cilantro

Please don’t die on me now. You have been so flavorful and delicious in my guacamole, soups, and taco dishes so far this summer, and now that the tomatoes and Serrano peppers are nearly ready to harvest, I can assure you that you have much to live for; the best is yet to come!

I know it’s been unusually warm this week, but if your cousin Parsley can take the heat, you should be able to, too. You’re an herb, for crying out loud, not a pansy! The way you’re wilting and shriveling up, like a fragile little flower, is downright pathetic.

So if you won’t perk up for me, the one who planted you from seed, watered and cultivated you to grow up big and strong, then mixed your rinsed and finely chopped leaves into my favorite Mexican dishes, then do it for Tomato and Pepper; just think of all the beautiful salsas you will make together come August.

The shame you likely feel from the close-cropped pruning job I did is only temporary, I promise. Please know I did it out of love and that, if you’re willing to make the effort, you’ll be sprouting new shoots in no time. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself in my neighbor’s compost pile. And don’t tell the others, but you’re the favorite of all my herbs, so I do hope you’ll hang on just a little bit longer. I’m “rooting” for you!

Love,
Allison

My Doppleganger

I once again shed my everyday image as freelance musician and struggling artist, and emerged from my secret phone booth (a.k.a. the employee bathroom) as Super Server, my not-so-cool alter ego. Like most of the overqualified, creative types posing as wait staff in restaurants all over this city, I can hang with the best of the professional servers in the industry; committing long and modified orders to memory, anticipating a table’s every need without being overly attentive, and keeping my inner monologue a secret to everyone but myself so I never tell a rude or condescending customer what I really think of them.

Every once in a while, though, life will throw me a curve ball that will test the strength of my mental filter, the one that keeps my thoughts from touching my tongue and escaping through my open mouth as a quick retort or hurled insult or any variety of guttural sounds that could potentially get me fired from my menial day job.

About halfway through my shift, I had an older couple from the neighborhood seat themselves at table three. I smiled and waved at them from behind the bar, as I had waited on them before and they have always been quite courteous. I got them drinks and appetizers without incident, and when I set their entrees before them, I cheerily asked if there was anything else they needed. Suddenly, the husband snapped his fingers in a “Eureka!” sort of way, and I looked at him quizzically.

“I’ve been trying all night to figure out who you remind me of,” he started, “and I’ve finally got it!”

I kept smiling, eyebrows raised, waiting to see who I would be compared to this time. A young Sigourney Weaver? Julia Louis Dreyfus from her Seinfeld days?

“You look like a Cocker Spaniel!” the old guy exclaimed triumphantly.

I could feel a flush creeping across my face as his wife hastily backpedaled in his defense, “He means that in a good way, dear! With their curly hair and their big ears, they’re just the cutest little things!”

My teeth were clenched (so I wouldn’t tell him that he looked like a Sharpei), but I kept my smile firmly in place.

“Yes!” he agreed, “I just mean that you’re a very pretty girl."

So I did the only thing that Super Server could do in this situation: I laughed and thanked him -- for telling me that I looked like a dog -- then I walked away.


photo by sweetron1982