The Mutant Santa Brigade

I enjoy Christmas decorations, I really do. I'm not wild about the decorating part, but once they're up, I find the decor to be quite enjoyable. However, while I was in high school, I began to notice a disturbing trend among the Santa Claus ornaments and figurines that adorned our house. These aren't just your run-of-the-mill Santas... many of them are missing appendages, and some are in compromising positions. Some of them creep me out, while others just cause me to scratch my head. The collection has grown considerably over the years, and I am amazed that there is actually a market for mutant Santa Clauses out there. I'd like to introduce you to a few of these St. Nicks, and let you form your own opinions about them. Above we have the cheer leading (nutcracker?) Santas, and pictured below, from left to right, we have:

1. Leprechaun Claus ... he's clearly got his holidays mixed up ... what do you suppose he's packing in that shamrock bag of his?

2.Two-faced Santa ... It's no wonder the guy's omniscient-- he's got more than just eyes in the back of his head, he's got a whole other face!

3. Crossing-Guard, Dunce-Cap Santa (a.k.a. Jingle Crotch the Second. Alas, the original Jingle Crotch now resides in Kansas City, so he's not pictured here...)

4. The Willy Wonka-fied Santa ... Somebody turned the poor sap into a conglomerate of peppermints! And where are his arms?!?
5. No-Neck, Windmill-Arms, Astrology Santa ... This is one of those head scratchers ... I'm just not sure what to make of him! Ho-Ho-Huh?
6. And I don't really know what to call this guy ... Nazi Claus seems a bit too harsh. But it looks like he escaped a from craft fair and immediately joined the North Korean Army. Weird.




7. En-pointe, Peg-Leg Santa ... maybe it's easier for him to get down the chimney that way?
8. Red Riding Hood Santa and his Mini-me. And those toes-- gross! Why toes?!? Can't these guys have some arms or something instead? And forget about being pear shaped ... these two are square shaped!
9. Not sure if this is a Santa or not, or just a twisted, frosty icicle with a moustache and a fuzzy red hat (and two eyes made out of coal ...)

And last, but not least, we have the newest member of this macabre menagerie... the Go-Go-Gadget-Legs Albino Claus! (Scroll down to see where those gams finally end.) This one's got all of his appendages, though, so at least he's got that going for him...

So there you have it, folks. The mutant Santa brigade. What do you think ... are these guys cool or creepy? If you do like them for some reason, just don't come asking me where to find a mutant Santa of your own-- I wouldn't even know where to begin looking for something like this, nor would I want to!

Merry belated Christmas!