The Pee Party

I thought about calling this the Tale of Two Toddlers, but this time, it's not the wee ones who have me steamed, it's their parents. I got to work this morning and was handed a wet booster seat. A little girl at one of my tables had wet her pants. It was gross, but she was crying and her mother was horrified, and hey-- it happens. I carried the soiled booster off to the side, hosed it down, doused it with bathroom cleaner, and left it to dry. What bugged me, though, was that the family decided to stay and finish their lunch, even though the little girl was wet and still crying. She sat in her own filth for another half an hour or so! This seemed cruel to me, but I'm not a parent, so what do I know?

The rest of the morning shift went off without a hitch. I took a break and ate a late lunch, and no sooner did I clock back in and walk out onto the patio do I see another little girl trying to get her parents' attention. She was out of her high chair doing the pee-pee dance, tugging on her mother's sleeve and saying "mommymommymommymommymommymommymommy". Mommy was ignoring her, and before I could cross the sidewalk to alert this negligent parent to her child's urgent need, the little girl squats and pees all over the patio. The parents were still oblivious.

Since it was no longer an emergency, I said nothing, because I didn't know how to nicely tell someone that, because they weren't tending to the needs of their child, the child had just gone number one all over the patio. I couldn't help but smirk, though, when the dad absently picked up the little girl (in order to shut her up) and put her on his knee. His pant leg got soaked, and he paid attention then! So he told his wife, and then they laughed! They, too, decided not to leave right away, but let their child stand in her wet, soiled clothes as they finished their drinks. These parents, unlike the ones from lunch, made no attempt to clean up after their child, and when they left, they giggled as they carefully skirted the puddle next to their table. I made a point of shooting them a nasty look as I hosed off the patio seconds after they had gotten up.

So to all the bad parents out there, let me say this: Public urination is not cute, and it's not funny; it's a misdemeanor. And, when done at a restaurant, it's also a health code violation. So if your child is potty training, if you're not willing to be extra vigilant about their not-so-subtle hints about needing to go when you're out in public, then put a diaper on them until you get home. If you want, you can let them pee on your kitchen or dining room floor instead. But it's not my fault that you procreated, so it shouldn't be my responsibility to clean up after your offspring. At least not in that capacity. That is all.