Baby Buggy Bumpers

I would like to write a "Rules of the Road" of sorts for all the oblivious pushers of SUV-sized strollers out there who think that common courtesy ends once parenthood begins. Let me hasten to say that most parents do not need this tutorial, including many of the parents who pilot these monstrosities. This is for those parents out there (and yes, we all know who you are) who use these pimped-out carriages as a status symbol rather than out of necessity.

Some of the issues I would like to address in this common-sense parenting manual include:

• Parents whose strollers take up more than 1/2 of the sidewalk must yield to pedestrians.
  
• Do not take these ridiculous contraptions onto a crowded bus or train, especially during rush hour.
  
• The same applies to busy restaurants, cluttered stores, and packed festivals. They make smaller strollers for a reason!
  
• If it is absolutely necessary to steer one of these stupid things into a small space full of people, fold it up or chain it to a bike rack outside once the children have been removed.
  
• Those three-wheeler buggies were designed for joggers, and are not to be used to wedge one's way into a long line of any sort.
  
• Nor are strollers to be used to "nudge" the person in front of you when the line isn't moving as quickly as you would like.
  
• Use of a "super" stroller for any reason other than the transportation of children is strictly prohibited.
  
• A stroller is not the same thing as a grocery cart (although I have a singular aversion to both!), a laundry hamper, or a carry-all. Please do not treat it as such. (see above)
  
• Monster strollers are not to be used at anything less than full capacity. For example: when running errands with only one child, it is not acceptable to wheel that child around in a carriage for three.
  
• If the child is more than old enough to walk (like most six-year-olds are), they are to walk alongside the parent or the legitimate stroller passenger. They are not to be coddled with a ride in a double-wide.
  

Perhaps the most egregious error of all is to be wheeling one of these strollers down the street while the children are roaming free. The only thing worse than leaping out of the way of an oncoming stroller that is roughly the size of my car is if that stroller is empty and the little ankle biters are running amok.

If (and that's a very big 'if') and when I ever have any children of my own, I will have a modest fold-up umbrella stroller for one-- and only one-- child, because I plan to do what my parents did. They would choose which child they liked the best that day (now that I think of it, it was almost always my little sister), and the favorite child would get a free ride, while the other (usually me) would walk across the city of Chicago, or to the top of the Statue of Liberty, or wherever else my parents told me we had to go. It built character, and today, I'm much better off than I would have been if I had grown up thinking I was entitled to shocks and struts, cushioned seats, and cup holders at age two!

Don't be like the mom on the left .... Be like this one on the right!